Frigid As They Come
by annakas
Summary: A little parody of all the virgin Dick and frigid Bruce fics. Dick is mooning over Bruce. Things look really hopeless. Slash


**Frigid**

By

annakas

Dick had given up in ever getting billionaire extraordinary Bruce Wayne into his bed. And the reason for that? Namely one Bruce Wayne but less known as Dark Knight a.k.a Batman was frigid as they came. And the reason why Dick, also less known as Robin , thought that is? Well the young man had tried every seduction technique he knew, some he even didn't know but had heard about, had failed to get some results in getting one dark tall and handsome Bruce into his bed.

In the tender age of seventeen Dick had found the love of his life, the other half of his soul, his mate for life. The only problem so far was that the said other half was not aware of the fact and all Dick's attempts to fix this horrible mistake didn't work. He hadn't given up until now. And the reason for that? Well he was horny and it really seemed like tall dark and handsome, not to mention mysterious, Bruce Wayne was frigid.

Dick had tried to seduce Bruce since he discovered that he had fallen and fallen hard in love with his mentor and guardian Bruce Wayne in the age of sixteen. It had been now over a year and half and since he started the mission "Me, Bruce, Bed, Sex" and his teenage hormones could not stand the tension anymore. He needed a realize, and badly, but the one he wanted it with didn't seem to notice his problem.

Year and half ago he decided that he wanted Bruce. And what he wanted he got- usually it was so but not this time. Dick had left behind his loose horrendous dorky clothes and taken into tight cool and suave style. Most of his clothes now were skintight, black- because black was Bruce's favorite color, and quite revealing.

When the first time he came into Bruce's view with his new wardrobe the subject of his affections had raised his sexy eyebrow at him and asked with his even sexier knee weakening voice:" Are you going out clubbing?" then there was some silence and as and afterthought Bruce added:" No drugs, no alcohol, no sex in any of my cars and be back by eleven." Then the tall dark and handsome walked out of the room. Dick was left behind with his chin on the floor. Bruce had just used the word sex and damn it sounded hot Dick thought with his well... his dick.

Dick had used other seducing techniques and nothing seemed to work. He had done the entire mysterious smile and impulsive hugs routine. He had done the entire innuendos talk. He even had done the sexy posing he had heard all about. You know the one where the seducer bends over so that the seduced could see his beautiful behind. It didn't work.

Even his stroke of genius trick didn't work. Where Dick used a red cherry flavored lollipop. He had sucked on the sucker like a pro. Making all the right moans and sucking noises. He had made love with the candy when Bruce was in the room so that the object of his affections would start to think about where Dicks mouth would come into better use than a red mouth coloring candy. Instead Bruce seemed to be unfazed and told Dick that if he liked the candy so much Bruce could buy some shares in it. The company looked like a good business to him.

What Dick couldn't understand was how could Bruce not get some kind of rise out from all of his attempts to get the man into his bed. The candy should have done the trick. No man could resist a good blow job. But Bruce didn't seem to notice the unvoiced offer. A man who stays cold from a offered blow job has to be frigid was the sad conclusion. The only thing Dick got from the candy was a red colored mouth for a week and a tender tongue.

In his last reserve Dick had called into Smallville to get some advice from another teenager who had plans to get another billionaire into his bed. Dick called Clark who he had met in one of Bruce's social events. Clark Kent had been there with Lex Luthor as Lexes companion for the evening. The two teens had hit it off. When Bruce and Lex had went away into a closed room to talk about business as they called it Dick and Clark had staid behind. After a uncomfortable silence and then a stuttering name change the two teenagers discovered that they had a lot in common. Namely they both wanted to have their best-friends the sexy billionaires into their beds. Clark Kent wanted Lex Luthor and Dick wanted his Bruce.

Now when Dick didn't know what to do anymore he called Clark for some advice. But a problem arose. Clark hadn't got far himself with his seduction plans and couldn't give Dick the advice the boy needed. "I really don't know what to say. I have come into a dead end myself. Nothing I do works. Lex is simply blind for my advances. So I can't say what would help you when I can't get my own man into bed." the other teen had said softly to Dick on the phone. Both boys sighed  
sadly and agreed Bruce and Lex were lost causes. Bruce it seemed to be frigid and well Lex was just blind for the advances.

Now when Dick had come into a decision that he would never get into bed with tall dark and handsome he wanted to weep. He had found the other half of his soul and it seemed like he would never know the joys of sex. Of course Dick could go and have sex with some nameless boy or girl he didn't care for but he didn't want that at all. He wanted Bruce and only Bruce and if he couldn't get Bruce then at least he wanted to have Batman and if he couldn't get even the Dark Knight he didn't want anyone else. The boy sighed sadly. And it would be cruel he thought to flaunt with my sex life when Bruce is frigid and can't get it up to anyone. Dick didn't want to hurt Bruce and so he resigned himself to living his entire life as a virgin beside he couldn't get the guy, he didn't want anyone else.

Decision made, Dick went into his bedroom to get a one on one with his right hand and with the sexy picture of Bruce he had hidden in his room.

***

The two men who had just finished having wild sex on the office desk groaned in pleasure and fulfillment. "Damn I have missed it" said the bald one from under the dark haired one. The dark haired one also known as Bruce Wayne slipped out of his long time friend and schoolmate Lex Luthor. "I have to agree completely" he said with affection.

"I take with the way you bounced on me the second I closed the door is that Dick still hasn't given up" stated Lex.

"Far from it. You should have seen what he did with a lollipop. I almost jumped him then. And I can also say that the way you let me manhandle you Clark is still at it" said Bruce with a groan.

"Yes he is. You know he is over the age of consent. They both are." sighed Lex wishfully.

"Yes I am aware of it but I want Dick to be sure of his decision and I don't want to have a scandal that I am sleeping with my ward. Lex why haven't you slept with your boy yet? You know he wants you." asked Bruce.

"I too don't want a scandal. And he lives in a small town. I don't want to see his life turn into hell because he is sleeping with another man. And I will refuse to keep him a secret." said Lex back.

"You know they both will be eighteen in six months. Both will go to college. Clark will move into Metropolis so no small town phobias and Dick will not be my ward anymore . Should we take them as our respective significant others then?" asked Bruce.

Lex grinned ruefully and answered:" Yes If they still want us at the time. But until that time so we would not die from frustration these office meetings will have to relive our needs."

"Ohh yes I like our meetings. You know Lex I will miss our little adventures when they will be over." stated Bruce.

"Me too my friend me too but losing you as a lover for Clark is not too high price to pay for it. And lets not think of it now. We have six months until this time and we will have many meetings before it is over. But now get up, and bend over your desk. I haven't got my fill yet and you have. It is my turn to top now." said Lex cheerfully.

And so after some minutes new thumps, groans, mewls and screams could be heard from the closed office. The female secretary sighed behind her desk when he heard his boss go at it again with his business associate.

He does not pay me enough she thought to herself sadly. When the phone rang she took it and said with false cheer:" Wayne Industries. You have called into Mr Wayne's office. I am his secretary Sonya. How can I help you?... No you can not speak with mr. Wayne at the moment. He is in a meeting with mr. Luthor... No I will not go in and disturb him to ask when he will finish... No sir... Yes sir... Now..."

New vigorous thumps could be heard and also new screams with it in Bruce's voice: "Oh yes Lex. OH Deeper Lex. Harder Lex. Oh. Oh OH OH..."

So after a brief pause the secretary answered into the phone:"...the meeting seems to be in its crucial point right now and like I said I will not disturb mr Wayne when he and mr. Luthor are in intense negotiations over the Red Lollipop Europe Industries. Have a good day and goodbye". The secretary put down the phone and watched her watch. My my my this is the third time they are going at it in this hour. Why can't this day be already over? She sighed mournfully.

-The end-


End file.
